is you partner the best Birth Support?

Labour and birth are monumental events, not just physically but emotionally. Naturally, many birthing people want their partner by their side for this transformative experience. But here’s the thing: while your partner might be your biggest cheerleader in life, they might not automatically make the best birth support—and that’s okay. Let’s explore why this might be the case and how to get them on board as an active and supportive presence during your labour.

When Good Intentions Fall Short

Your partner loves you and wants to help, but birth can be overwhelming. If they feel uncomfortable seeing you in pain or their natural instinct is to ‘fix’ things, this can sometimes work against you. Labour isn’t something to ‘fix’; it’s a process to navigate. If they focus on trying to minimise your discomfort instead of supporting your preferences, it can inadvertently undermine the choices you’ve made for your birth.

For instance, if you’ve planned for an unmedicated birth and your partner sees you struggling, they may unintentionally pressure you into pain relief options you’ve chosen to avoid. Their discomfort can lead to decisions that aren’t aligned with what you’ve envisioned for your birth.

The Passive Participant Problem

Labour support isn’t a spectator sport. If your partner isn’t prepared to be an active participant—whether that means rubbing your back, holding space for you, or advocating for your birth preferences—they might end up being more of a distraction than a help. Simply being present isn’t enough; they need to be actively engaged in supporting you through each contraction, each moment of the journey.

Adding Pressure in the Birth Space

If your partner isn’t on the same page as you regarding your birth plan, they could unintentionally add pressure to the situation. For example, if they don’t fully understand why you want delayed cord clamping or a specific birthing position, they might question those choices in the heat of the moment. This can create tension and compound the pressure you’re already feeling during labour.

How to Set Your Partner (and Yourself) Up for Success

The good news? These issues are preventable with preparation and communication. Here’s how to make sure your partner is a strong, supportive presence during your labour:

1. Get Them Involved Early

Bring your partner into the planning process from the beginning. Share your preferences and the reasoning behind them. Whether it’s a preference for dim lighting, specific pain management techniques, or minimal interventions, make sure they understand why these choices matter to you. This helps them feel invested and aligned with your vision.

2. Encourage Them to Learn Labour Support Techniques

Partners often feel more confident and capable when they know what to do. Encourage them to attend childbirth education classes with you or book a private session with a doula to learn hands-on techniques (an hour of power is perfect for this!) Skills like counterpressure, massage, and breath coaching can make a huge difference in keeping them actively engaged and helpful during labour.

3. Define Their Role

Be clear about what you need from them. Do you want them to advocate for you with medical staff? Hold your hand and stay calm? Be specific about your expectations so they know how to show up for you.

4. Supplement Your Birth Team

Sometimes, the best way to support your partner is to take some pressure off them. Hiring a doula (ahem, hi!) or having a trusted friend or family member present can provide additional support, allowing your partner to focus on their role without feeling like they have to do it all.

Final Thoughts

Your partner doesn’t need to be perfect; they just need to be prepared and willing to support you in the way you need. By involving them early, equipping them with the right tools, and being clear about your expectations, you can turn them into an active and supportive member of your birth team. And remember, it’s okay if they’re not the sole source of support—your birth experience is about you, and building the right team around you is key to making it as positive and empowering as possible.